Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
