How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
