good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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