Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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