i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
