i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
