I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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