I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
