Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
