Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
