Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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