I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
