Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
