All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
