In the future we'll all be gay
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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