You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
