i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i out mim tonsoeep
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