I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
