My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
