He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
