apparently the secret to your success is patron
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
