so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
