She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
