so that wasnt chicken after all
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
