Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
