ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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