I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
