can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
