Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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