i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
