Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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