Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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