i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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