I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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