He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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