Kiss
Puke
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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