I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
