He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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