I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
