I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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