I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
