when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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