I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
