I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
