In the future we'll all be gay
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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