i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
