The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's like iHOP with fire
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
