It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Help me help you realize you are a moron