Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
