I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
