Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
