My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
