I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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