I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
