Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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