he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
