I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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