Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
