Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
