the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
