quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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