please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
