And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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