i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
