I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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