I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
