I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
