I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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