Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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