If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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